The teenage years are filled with so many changes and emotions. If you’re the parent of a teen you might wish that they would communicate with you a bit more. Remember when they came home from school and told you everything? Now you can barely get three words out of them. Whatever the reason, teens tend to keep things inside, at least from their parental figures.
Growing up as a part of the 21st century differs from how our parents grew up. While many things are the same, new challenges come with growing up in an age of technology and social media.
Here are some things I've asked my fellow teens from all over the world “ things they wish their parents understood about them”.
Here are a few key comments
What are the things you wish your parents understood about you?
There are many things teenagers of 21st century wish their parents knew.
Among many things, some are as follows.
The first thing they wish is their parents knew that the times have changed and it is not the same.
This century teens think they are grown up and want their parents to know that.
They do not like parents fighting and want them to know this.
They wish their parents knew, comparison is not good.
They do not like to be bossed around.
They love their independence.
They like to be asked rather than being dictated or told.
Not to encroach into their personal space.
We do experiment and that is fine.
It is cool to be the way they are.
Even if they are wrong, they do not like criticism.
They want parents to support them anything they do.
Above all, when they are in their room they do not like to be disturbed and do not like parents entering into their room.
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Don't blame anything we do or say on the fact that we're teens. We should be expected to take responsibility for everything we do and not get a "get out of jail free" card. This goes both ways. If a 15 year old is atheist, don't just assume that's because she is rebellious and hates her parents. Maybe, she's just an independent thinker and wants her own opinions.
Times have changed. Yes, we understand that certain aspects of being a teen "back then" were much more difficult. However, just like you, we have our own problems that we may very well tell our kids about.
We wear earbuds so you don't have to hear our music, not because we're moody. Mostly a stereotype portrayed in movies. I'm sure most parents already know this.
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Teens want independence and they expect their parents to trust them with themselves and their choices. Even God gave us some form of independence to make our own choices based on the instructions he has given us... choose life and live, choose death and die. It's up to you. So give ur child the training he or she needs and let him know what is good and what is bad, and then trust them to make their choice.
As much as parents should and must keep an eye on them, they should trust them with the training given them. The Bible says train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it...so if at all you've trained your child well, you shouldn't be so worked up about them, but rather pray importunately for them that they make the right choices.. because like it or not, teens love to experiment and may make mistakes, with or without your close watch.
The problem is when they make these mistakes, u can be a parent that they can run to and confide in, if you play ur part well...or u can be a paranoid and super strict parent such that u make ur child such a pretentious one that they do terrible things behind your back and then when they make mistakes they have no one to turn to because of the high demands and expectations u have of them, they feel like they have failed you and everyone else completely and as they cannot communicate with u, they don't trust anyone else...or maybe trust others instead of you and this mistakes will be long lasting or sometimes irreversible.
I don't know if I'm making sense, lol...but there's so much to say when it comes to teens and the truth is everybody varies. so what works for one teen may not work for another. we can't exactly say this is what works for all. It takes the creator who knows and crafted everyone to work out his purpose in each person. so commit ur teen to God in prayer and He will work it out.
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We have our own lives, you have your own life. We’re not mini-versions of you.
I like my music, you like your music. That doesn’t automatically make my music bad.
I will never understand something if you continue to yell at me for what I did wrong.
I have certain things that are important to me, just as you have the same. Don’t make me feel like what I do is stupid just because you think it’s stupid.
Just because you’re my parent doesn’t mean you can take things away without reason
Just because I refuse to show you my phone doesn’t mean I’m hiding something from you.
Anything below 80% isn’t failing
Stop comparing me to other people. Just like I’m not you, I’m not them.,
Strict parenting (yes, that includes helicopter parenting) creates teenagers who are sneaky, deceitful, and would rather be alone. Give us more freedom and maybe we’ll stop being this way.
I’ll eventually do what you ask me to, but I’m probably in the middle of something when you ask me to do it. And then I procrastinate. But I’ll eventually do it. A few reminders here and there are okay, but please don’t feel like you need to remind me every hour.
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We know more about you than you think.
You’re hypocritical but out of respect, we keep our mouths shut.
By ruining your life in the past, you ruin your child’s life in the present.
You shun me now. But when you’re old and shredding, will you still?
The internet has shown us a lot of disgusting things that would probably traumatize you. Evolutionary status.
Because of the internet, I don’t want to go outside. What if I run into Ted Bundy’s distant twin brother?
Some of us really enjoy your life stories.
It is no longer the 20th century.
I want to hang out with my friends to get away from the hellfire at this house, not because I’m rebelling.
I probably would have fought the younger version of you.
We don’t mind doing things for you, but try not to take advantage of us for the sole reason we are your children.
This generation is very depressed.
We love jokes too.
Can you knock before you come in? We need our privacy too.
We would be so close if it wasn’t for your need to be authoritative over everything.
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We’re not all idiots.
Knocking when the door is closed establishes trust and respect. Not knocking on the door makes us dislike you.
We know you pay for the phone. But it would be nice if you asked before searching it. It would be the same way if I bought you a car. Yes, I may have bought it. But it’s common decency to ask you before just taking it for a drive.
Not all of us are like, “heh, smoke weed er’ryday. Juul is king. Ima be a YouTuber when I grow up, heheh. OOF!” Some of us have actual aspirations and ideas of what we want to do when we’re older. But you don’t see kids like that in the media, do you? No, you only see the spoiled dumbass kids who go on the Dr. Phil Show.
Depression isn’t simply “being really sad.” If that were the case, then I would just take a trip to Disney World.
Technology is causing this world to change rapidly. That’s why we’re different from how you were as a kid. When people think about the ‘80s, they think about the collection of trends that made this decade stand out: bright clothes, teased/hairsprayed hair, iconic pop songs, mullets, etc. No one stops and thinks about trends for each individual year because that whole decade was pretty consistent. We’re not like that. 2016 trends and 2017 trends were very different, and they were only a year apart! The world is changing quickly, and as a result, so are we.
It’s hard for a lot of us to open up. So please don’t poke and prod at us to spill our souls to you. This makes us even more reluctant to tell you things.
“I got hit as a kid, and I turned out just fine!” is beyond ignorant and, frankly, incorrect. There are so many studies that show how harmful it is to hit kids. Plus, you look stupid when you say this. It makes you look like you don’t know how to solve problems, and you’re willing to be a violent brat when you don’t get your way. That’s pathetic.
It’s 2019. Homophobia is stupid. Sexism is bad, right? Because you’re hating someone based off their sex, which has no correlation to their personality? Same thing with racism, correct? Because it’s ridiculous to hate someone for something as insignificant as their skin color? Most of you probably agree. Same thing goes for homophobia. It’s pointless and needs to stop.
Instead of telling kids “don’t have sex” and leaving it at that, why not teach them how to have it safely? Because kids who really want to have sex are still gonna have sex. So you might as well educate them on the topic.
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What are some things you wish adults, parents, or teachers would understand about your generation or teens in general?
we need privacy and space. we’re growing and we’re almost adults, respect that, don’t treat teens like 5 year olds, we’re not, you don’t need to go through our phones for no reason, i read a lot of Quora’s where parents literally threaten their LEGALLY ADULT KIDS into not moving out like- who are you to make them stay? they’re 18, they can do as they please.
if you think peer pressure was bad in “your time,” i promise you it’s worse in ours, take it easy on your teens, be open minded, some of us like to express our creativity and stuff by the way we dress, don’t stop them, dressing goth/ e-girl/ indie it doesn’t matter, they’re not hurting anyone
stop with the toxic masculinity. boys can cry. boys can wear makeup. boys can do WHATEVER girls can do, boys don’t have to muscular, everyone’s built different, boys can wear whatever they want, stop forcing old thinking onto them, welcome to the 21st century
accept your kids for what they are or don’t have kids, you’re supposed to love them unconditionally, if they’re gay, they’re gay, there’s nothing you can do about it, love and accept them
teach your teens about sexual abuse, rape, and boundaries, boys, girls, non binary, everyone needs to be educated. don’t ever EVER pull a “but what was she/he wearing” that’s not the problem. the way you bring them up is part of the problem
stop letting people get away with abuse because of their gender. it’s not only about girls getting abused anymore, boys get abused too, look out for them too
a lot of parents ignore the sex talk. don’t. kids are doing it earlier now, without being educated on protection and safety, where i live, sex is not something people even talk about at all, not at home, we don’t even have sex ed in school, everything we learn is from the internet, don’t let it be that way. teach your teens about protection, i’ve heard of 13 year olds doing it on this app so please, instead of preaching abstinence, teach protection
i don’t know if a lot of parents know this but you probably should :
THE STRICTER YOU ARE, THE MORE LIKELY THEY ARE TO REBEL. it’s just a fact. there should be a balance, sit down with your teens and discuss these things, if they go out saturday night, they promise to be home by so and so time (keep in mind that we’re teens, not children, i mean this for the older teens) compromise instead of simply saying NO and being unreasonable
we’re not robots. we cannot study all day. let teens have their free time, we understand school is important at this age, but you don’t want us to burn out either.
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One thing I wish they would understand is that they are just like me. What I mean by that is they’re humans who make mistakes just like I do. Whenever I make a minor mistake, adults usually yell at me, but when they do it, they’re “only human”. Well, so am I. Just cause you’re older, it doesn’t mean you get a free pass on making fun of me, accidentally spilling things, and basically anything I’d get scolded for. Being an adult means you’re part of a certain age group. To me, it does not mean you’re above me. Sometimes age and wisdom just doesn’t match up.
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Your teenage kids aren't innocent balls of marshmallows anymore. They already know shit which you probably learnt after you hit 30 something. Wake up to the modern gen.
Denying the sex talks till our marriage doesn't mean our ears turn deaf or our eyes go blind. We've seen stuff. Like weird crazy stuff.
When you make your child marry someone they hardly know according to the whims and fancies of the society or those we-know-it-all relatives, you not only ruin your child's life, but also his/her partner's. Kindly take note.
You don't have to pamper and spoonfeed your kids till they find a job or settle somewhere, because that usually turns them lethargic consumeristic zombies and absolutely nothing else. Let them do the so called menial jobs or hone their skills to take up work early in life, so that they learn the value of money right from teenhood.
If your child grows up to be an arrogant prick whose emotional quotient runs in negative, that's because you hardly paid attention while your child asked for it. Yes, you worked hard to give him/her a comfortable life, but if you don't spend quality time when needed, it all goes down the drain.
Our education system is a machine which produces more money making machines for the next generation. Don't judge your kids by their academic performance and push them onto the highway you want them to drive on. Instead, find his/her strength and give him/her the right direction to turn it into a career. You'll see what being exceptional actually means.
Do not, I repeat, do not nod your head to everything your child asks/wishes for. If the child grows up thinking that it's entitled to get everything in life and always falls for instant gratification, it'll grow up into one sad specimen. Life doesn't work that way. Teach your kid.
Also, not every smartphone-swiping kid is busy with social media and porn. Please come out of this illusion. The internet is their Guru now.
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That I need space. Not just any space. I mean having a house to myself for hours or days at a time. I need silence, peace, just in general space.
I need space to be a normal teen, to do “teen” things. That doesn’t mean I want to have people over, that doesn’t mean I want to get into things. I just simply want to do stuff without judgment. Dressing up, doing my makeup, messing with my hair, cleaning, pffsh masturbating.
But they don’t get that. They think I spend so much time alone in my room because I’m trying to distance myself. No, I’m simply trying to deal with my mental exhaustion from them asking me things or just existing.
They think that me shutting myself away is making me depressed, but it’s letting me relax. I will never get time to myself. And I sadly have to accept that, but it hurts me. More than most people would probably think.
I just simply need space.
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We have genuine problems
About 80% of my friends either have or have had: depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts etc. This isn't because of edginess or the Internet or whatever other reason people like to come up with, this is because there are ridiculous amounts of stress placed on young people today. Go to college, get loans, learn to drive, have hobbies, volunteer, get a job (and probably a dead end one in a field you hate), maintain friendships, do crazy stuff (but not too crazy to get in trouble), visit people, go abroad, keep fit, get a relationship, fight for what you believe in (assuming that's what we believe in too), be yourself (no, not like that), blah blah blah blah blah. Most of us simply can't keep up with it.
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My answer is based on personal experience with my father:
When I was around 15, I told my father that I thought I was depressed. He said, “Depressed? Sweetie, I don’t think you know what that means.”
He didn’t give me a chance to explain myself. He heard what I said and instantly determined that it couldn’t be so. He told me that if anyone was depressed, it was him.
My father was naive to the fact that I, another human being, was beginning to experience emotions on a level that overwhelmed and frightened me. I think he saw me as a shadow of the teenager he had been, and his feeling was that he hadn’t been depressed as a teen, so why would I be?
It was hurtful. Not just to my well-being, but to our relationship. I was going through a hard time, and he didn’t believe it. So I lost faith in him. Those times when I had a secret that I wouldn’t have trusted with anyone but him? They went away. I found other people to confide in.
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-Stop thinking technology is the bane of all evil. It's not. I don't play minecraft every time I get on technology. I do schoolwork too! Quora is educational. And fun. A 2-in-1.
-You tell me to be me, to do what I want in life, but when I get into an argument, tell me no other normal kid does this.
-I get algebra homework everyday. I'm an 8th grader doing a high school course. There is no need to pile “helpful” workbook to add to my work.
-This has happened once, and it might happen again. Somehow, my mom got access to my texts, when she doesn't know my phone password. I think it was when I messed around with iCloud(I have her old phone, she insists I have it on her account). So then, she tried to bring up some private information about my friends. The sad thing is I trust my friends with my phone password, but not my parents. This is because my friends know not to look around in my phone.
-Forcing me to study isn't gonna do anything. I know when to study, and how long to do it for.
-I'm not your baby anymore. I'm 13. Stop putting ridiculous restrictions on me. I'm not saying I want to go to parties or anything. I'm saying that the rule of no technology upstairs at all is ridiculous. If I wanted to do something bad, I could just lock myself in a downstairs room. Also, give me a reason. “Because we don't trust you” is not a valid reason, unless you give me a reason. You don't trust me to do what? Be unsafe online? After we have about 50 lessons on digital citizenship a year? Apparently not.
-Whenever we get into an argument, I shouldn't be the only one apologizing. You called me names too. We should both apologize.
-Let me have my opinion. If I try to prove my point, I'm labeled as disrespectful. No. I don't hate you. I'm just trying to back my argument. My parents barely let me have my own argument, let alone justify reasons for one.
-This is the most common one. “Back when I was a teenager”. My mom always does this to me. Especially saying”I wasn't that disrespectful”. Once again, I'm not being disrespectful, I'm being arespectful. Trying to validate my point.
-My parents can be so bipolar sometimes. They say they don't compare me to other kids, but then say, “I never see so and so do this”. This leads me to my next point
-Stop acting like you know everything that goes on in my friends life. You don't know if “so and so” “misbehaves”(once again, I'm not disrespectful, I'm arespectful) with their parents.
Parents can be annoying, but I'm glad I at least have some. I might add more to the list.
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Dear parents,
You know that your daughter scored more than 90 in Biology in her class X boards. That means she knows at least something about the reproductive system and sexual intercourse. So next time when you see a condom advertisement, don't change the channel, Mumma. I know what it is used for!
Yours faithfully,
Your 19 year old daughter.
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There was a childhood friend of mine who jumped off a 7 storey-building because he was depressed about his marks. He died on the spot.
He was 17.
My mother was crying but all she could say was, “It was such a stupid reason! Why would he do that?”
She couldn’t digest the fact that he could end his life just because of poor grades. She couldn’t understand it just the way many other adults never understand that when a kid says that he is depressed about something, he isn’t kidding.
It might seem trivial to you. It is trivial. But it wasn’t to him.
This is addressed to every person who has said “What you’re feeling is stupid” or “You’ll get over it, it’s nothing.” to a teenager who claimed to be depressed.
What is something teenagers wish adults understood?
That the exhaustion is real. The depression is real. No matter how illogical the reason seems, if you see a kid talking about suicide or depression, it is serious.
And if you are an adult and you really do understand this, then the next time you see a teenager actually depressed about something, don’t magically assume they’ll get over it.
There are already too many blood stained buildings in the world; we don’t need another one.
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We’re human. Less experienced humans, yes, but humans nevertheless. I am not any less human than you. We think the way you do, talk the way you do, etc, because we’re all human. Treat us accordingly.
We’re treated like children and expected to act like adults. Until the day we turn 18, then all of the sudden we’re treated completely differently, which can make the transition into adulthood difficult.
Our entire lives depend on what we do as a teenager. This again relates back to the fact that we’re treated like children but expected to make adult decisions. It's a terrifying thought, which is why we often try to distract ourselves from this terrible truth.
How am I supposed to decide what I want to do with my life??? I'm serious, I'd like to know. Does this “life” thing come with an instruction manual? Because I have no idea what the heck I'm doing.
No mom, I can't just “get a job.” Where I live, you're expected to pay for a lot of things (clothes, food when you eat out, movie tickets, etc) starting at age 14. Well, I'm sure you already see the problem with this. We can't drive! Also, the only businesses that could employ us would have to have a permit to “employ minors.” Most parents here don't give allowance either, so where do they expect that money to come from? This often results in an extremely competitive lawn-mowing and babysitting market, and the inability to do fun things because we don't have any money.
We are interested in things, they're sometimes just different from what you’d expect. Yes, we’re very much passionate about things, and from past experiences we know that you'll judge us because of them, so we don't tell you. Our interests can coexist. I can love TØP (Twenty One Pilots) and run a Mock Trial Team. I can have pink hair and piercings and have a 4.4 GPA. I can be obsessed with YouTubers and be obsessed with politics at the same time. Our “frivolous” interests can coexist with our more “serious” ones, and many adults seem to be unable to grasp this concept, so we hide what we can.
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Phones are not just there for stupid games or chatting.
Yes, teenagers do spend a lot of time on the phone. However, you have to understand that there are also so many things to do.
Phones have come a long way since the first Nokia bricks and the first iPhone came out, and a lot of young peoples' social life happens in that virtual space. Also, a lot of activities that used to happen in the physical world have been transferred to our smartphones.
You can shop online, read online books or stories, share photos, text, videocall, and talk to your friends from all over the world, write stories and blogs, share your thoughts and ideas, research and educate yourself on topics you are interested in, talk about life experiences, and be inspired by what other people share.
Now, we can carry our alarm clock, weather forecast, calendar, letters, notes, diaries, stories, photos and videos, telephone, folders, books, maps, music and radio in our pockets. Entire physical libraries, hundreds of pages of world news, people from all over the world, at our fingertips.
No, our conversations don't always look like “hi wyd” “hi lol not much” “yolo”. Just because we're not writing huge paragraphs all at once doesn't mean our conversations can't be deep. We're not writing letters after all, but texting in real-time. And in real life you wouldn't talk for hours without letting the other person respond either.
No, just because we're talking to a guy/girl online doesn't mean we send them nudes.
No, just because we've never met the person in real life doesn't mean they're a pedophile who just wants to lure us stupid teenage girls into his basement.
No, just because we've never met the person in real life doesn't mean our friendship is meaningless or worth less than a “real” friendship.
And honestly, if you think about it, new technology has always been criticized by older generations who didn't have them. Back when paper was becoming popular, old people were complaining how the younger generation can't even write on a blackboard without getting chalk all over themselves anymore. When the first phone was invented, some people couldn't understand why you'd spend a lot of money to talk to someone if you could just visit them or write a letter.
And there will probably be a time in the future where parents will scold their kids for not being on the phone enough instead of doing whatever else they're doing. Actually this is already starting to happen!
“Why waste 15€ on a physical book if I can get an e-book for half the price?”
These are the replies from your teens
I didn't write any of that. Don't wait for your Teenager to change, change the way you see them.