Depression is one of those "Invisible Illnesses". So many people don't understand it or care to understand it. Dealing with depression requires Patience and Consistency is the key. It takes a lot of strength to not give up on life.
I am not going to provide you with any tricks to overcome depression because there are no formulas. What worked for others might not work for you, but I can assure you that you will be out of it. I am just going to share experiences of how people dealt with it and this might give you some strength to fight out of depression. If they can, then even you can.
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| Coping with depression. |
The reason you are having a lot of negative thoughts is because your mind is idle.
The reason your mind is idle is because you don't have energy to do anything.
The reason you don't have energy to do anything is because you are channelling the bulk of your energy into suppressing your emotions, as a result of your negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts -> negative emotions -> use energy to suppress emotions -> no energy to do anything else -> mind is idle -> more negative thoughts
The fear that you will not be normal is one such negative thought. It's all connected, but it can be hard to see when you're in the thick of it. It's all one big haze, one neverending cloud of darkness.
The first thing is to accept that you're going through depression rather than being ashamed of yourself. Acceptance.
The second thing is to realise that you cannot trust your own thoughts.
That's scary, I know.
But when you're in the midst of a depressive episode, you cannot trust your own mind. That means some of the things that your mind thinks are real, some are not, and you are unable to differentiate which is which.
In such times when you can't even trust your own mind, who can you trust?
your parents
your siblings
your best friend
Pick one or two, and trust that person’s words over your own, against your better judgement because during these times, your judgement is impaired.
The third thing to do is to reduce the number of thoughts that come to mind. Remember, the reason you have so many is because your mind is idle. Give your mind something to do.
You may feel like you don't have energy. This is a negative thought your mind feeds you with and it is lying to you. You have it in you to do it.
Once you give your idle mind something to do, it will produce fewer negative thoughts. This creates fewer negative emotions, and you will channel less energy towards suppressing them.
This frees up more energy for you. Use this to learn new skills, such as how to manage your emotions better.
Fourth, learn what are the triggers that cause a depressive episode to occur and avoid them.
Depression is a sign that the way you've been living your life thus far isn't working. Hence, you need to change some things in your life.
Start with your triggers. They are the most obvious signs.When you find you are able to be aware of being triggered even as it happens, you can start doing something about that train of thought. I think the most effective way is not to try to fight them. Trying to oppose your thoughts directly often leads into the failure trap where you let your conscious mind try to fight and fail and feel shame. Instead of opposing your thoughts, you learn to acknowledge them, accept them, and then move on to another thought.
Practice gently letting go of your self-shaming thoughts.
Address your issues: What landed you here, what issues need attention, what fears you. Normal lives are ONLY EVER led by people who recognize when they are sick and do something about it. If they break a leg, they go to the doctor to get help. If it is a bad break, then they ask for the best treatment they can get. another way.
Solving the actual problems
Actual problems are the events that cause you to feel shame. Failing tests. Losing money. Not meeting the expectations of parents. Not being understood.The list of things that make us feel shame is probably endless. We learned to cover over the feeling of shame with compulsive behavior (often called addictions). Now we have to learn how to solve the problems that caused the feeling instead of just covering over the feeling.
Probably the most important alternative you will learn is courage. The courage is to talk about the problem that is triggering your feelings. It takes courage to talk to parents about your perception of their expectations and to work with them to stop triggering you. It takes courage to admit to mistakes and ask for help in finding ways to fix the mistakes instead of drinking away your shame.
Equally important are communication skills. If you have the courage to raise a subject you are afraid of, but you can’t get productive problem solving to start, your courage will be wasted. The communication skills are to help you negotiate a resolution to the problem more effectively when solving the problem requires cooperation with someone else — as most problems do.
You are a human being. Deal yourself with sensitivity. Everything is part and parcel of life; if unable to achieve something, don’t panic, it is okay you gave your best. There are ample opportunities waiting for you.
To recap:
ONE: Acceptance
TWO: Realise you can't trust your own mind. Find someone you can trust.
THREE: Reduce the number of negative thoughts by giving your mind something to do. Vigorous exercise is highly encouraged.
FOUR: Learn what triggers your depressive episodes.
Remember, depression is a self-defence mechanism telling you that the way you've been living your life isn't working.
To get out of depression requires a lifestyle change.
1. You have to stop going hard on yourself.
2. You have to stop caring for what others would feel.stop caring for the people around you first. You need to take care of yourself first. It's okay to be selfish.
3. If you are not happy, your negativity would affect your surroundings.
4. Stop expecting anyone to understand your situation because no one will ever do.
5. Stop counting your failures instead magnify your success.
6.Stop making others' happiness a priority. Make your happiness a priority. If I am not happy, ‘I can't keep anyone around me happy. So I focused on my happiness’. It's shallow but it has worked.
7. Start writing things you should be and have been grateful for.
8. Accept the fact that it's okay.It is okay to fail in exams.It's okay to make mistakes.It's okay if nobody cares.Nothing is bigger than your life.
Why do you want to give up?
It is not the way you finish your war. Always remember you are the most skilled warrior in your life.
For whom do you want to give up on your life?
If it's them, then they don't deserve to be in your life in the first place. If it's for you. You are the most important soul to yourself or
Always put yourself above anyone. Always. It's okay. It's not selfish. It's okay.
You matter to yourself.
Be ready to welcome the spring after the winter.
Giving up isn't the option. Rise back. It's okay to fall.
Most of the parents would not understand what's wrong with you. But when you give up on life, for a day or two people will mourn and the rest of the life your parents would regret not understanding you.
The last thing is the most important: Your mental health is as important as your physical health. Take care of both of them equally. If you are not healthy mentally, you can never be healthy physically. Love and believe in yourself.
Step by step. Bit by bit. You'll be a new person at the end of this. A better person.
How I coped with depression: Gina's story of how she cured depression.
I cured a lifetime of suicidal depression after drugs and therapy failed. Here's how:
I realized I was surrounded by unnecessary and unsupportive people so I got rid of anyone who was abusive or contributing to my depression. I cleaned up my vibration so I quit attracting people who were a perfect match!
My biggest problem was my thoughts. I knew what I was thinking about all the time was what was depressing me and wasn't working for me, but I didn't know what to replace it with. I learned that cognitive therapy is changing your thoughts. I learned how to replace my negative thoughts with positive ones by focusing more on solutions than my problems. I knew what I didn't want but very little about what I did want. I had to shift my time around and started spending more time creating a new life. When I learned about what the Law Of Attraction was this really hit home for me and made me realize I was creating my own reality.
I started asking for people who exceeded my expectations, who were more than I thought I deserved, who were supportive and inspired me and had qualities and ways of doing things I admired and wanted to learn how to do for myself to show up in my life. I said things like “what would it take to have some great new friends to show up in my life?” When you ask questions out loud or in your head it will bring you answers and new awareness. Things you ask for, will start showing up. (You get what you think about whether you want it or not!)
Having a support system is great, but I also began to realize I am enough and I have my own guidance. As soon as you discover this you're well on your way to healing. When you become more confident and self reliant you will never feel alone again.
I have very powerful words. Pay close attention to what you say after those words because that creates your reality. You become the owner of what follows. Instead of saying “I'm by myself” like you did above you can say things like “I am capable of healing myself”.
You know what's best for you. Just ask yourself! What do I want? What's the answer you hear in your head? Start trusting yourself and your inner voice.
Make a list of everything you want in this new life of yours. You've probably spent a lot of time focused on what you don't want, but if you really want to change your life, what does this new life look like? Where do you want to live, what do you want to do for work, what kind of lifestyle do you want, where would you like to travel to… etc. Kind of like a bucket list. Dream big. As if money were no object and there were no obstacles in your way. What does your new life look like? Write it all down in a journal or I like to use the notepad on my phone and then I'd email it to myself for safekeeping and I could look back on it later to see how much I'd accomplished.
You have the power to create a new life. Every day of our lives we make choices. Choices that keep us stuck where we are. Choices that set us back. Choices that move us forward. Take absolute responsibility for these choices and you now have absolute power. Where are you now? Where do you want to go? Become who you meant to be. How do you get there from here? By heading in that new direction, one step at a time.
Sometimes what we think, feel and believe gets conflicted. I had to sort out things I learned growing up from what I believed was the truth. I rejected a lot of indoctrinated beliefs that were put on me from society, school, media, other people, my parents, teachers, family, friends. I also learned how to put my ego into check and free myself from suffering . This shut down a lot of my negative self-talk and killed my “pain body”.