It’s often said that communication is the key to a healthy parent teen relationship. While it might sound simple,it is most times the hardest. Teenagers often don't want to talk to their parents . As your child grows up, the way you communicate with them will need to change. Discovering these new and different approaches to communicating effectively with one another will help you both feel happier and more connected in your relationship, and more confident about having difficult conversations and resolving conflicts.
Here are some tips to improve communication with teens. Parents and teens also contributed with their replies from a survey I did.
To have a conversation like this you need to build it up especially after a long gap. Most teens are intimidated by the sudden change in character trying to connect.
I think the best way to start is to not talk but observe. Observe how much the teen has grown. I am not saying to pry into their lives but observe them.
In a couple of days you would have the opportunity to talk to them. Start with an apology on how much you were not there. Then go into things you observed the last few days. They might get a bit defensive and when they do ease the conversation if there was something from your past that would make sense today.
Listening
The most important thing parents can do to improve communication with teens is to listen to them. Teens need to feel that they matter and can depend on their parents to support and protect them.
Make it clear that you are ready and willing to listen. “I really care about what you think.” “Your ideas are important to me.” “Tell me how you see it.”
Let your teen know that you are working to understand his or her perspective. “What I am trying to say is…” “So what is really important to you is…” After saying what you heard your teen say, ask if you got it right.
Listening conveys messages of caring and safety and helps you to have more influence in your teens’ lives. By listening, you can better stay in touch with their experiences and feelings even though they are spending a lot of time away from you.
Ultimately, listening begets listening. When you listen to teens, teens are more likely to listen to you. The next time you sit down together, ask your teens to tell you about something and quietly listen to what they have to say.
Tackling Tough Topics
Don’t be afraid to talk about tough topics. Involvement in problem behaviors such as sex and drug use can be part of experimentation during the teen years. Even good teens experiment. Often the first reaction is to shy away from these topics or to give responses that send the message, This is something that most parents don’t talk about.
The problem with avoiding tough topics is that parents risk not knowing when their teens may be getting into trouble. Parents may not realise that experimenting has gone too far, and their teens are in over their heads.
Take teens and sex, for example. Teens are going to have questions about sex, and they are going to have sexual feelings and thoughts.
When teens have questions about their thoughts or feelings, parents who give them support and understanding are more likely to have teens who do not act impulsively when faced with a decision about sex. These teens are more informed about what they are feeling and thinking and about the consequences of acting on their thoughts and feelings.
When teens understand what may happen if they engage in sexual activity and that their parents are not afraid to talk with them and to help them find answers about sex, these teens are better protected from the pressures of others to engage in sexual behavior.
Encourage your teen to invite friends to your house for the afternoon or for dinner.
You can learn a lot about your teen’s life by making your home a comfortable place for friends.
Talk with others who parent their own teens in a way you respect.
When Talking Is Going Nowhere
Talking is not always easy between parents and teens. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to communicate, either nothing seems to get through or your teens hear the wrong message. When this happens, it is necessary to reconsider how you are communicating.
Talking down to your teen
Being judgmental and critical of your teen
Express your willingness to work together with your teen to arrive at a decision. “Let each of us offer some ideas on how to deal with this.” “How would you do it?” “What do you think should happen?”
Take time to connect with your teen every day—a meal together, a few minutes together each evening before going to bed, longer periods of time together, etc.
Find activities that you enjoy doing together.
Sometimes teens find it difficult to share what is on their minds during face-to-face conversation. Doing an activity together, such as playing games on the computer, preparing a meal, working on a hobby, can make conversation flow more easily. Teens will say more when they feel relaxed.
Permit your teen some privacy.
Do not treat them like young children. Teenagers do not like being treated like babies.
Teens need time to themselves and the right not to share everything with their parents. They will be more willing to share the important things with you if they feel respected by you. Permitting independence from you is a great way to show a teen respect.
Teens tend to want to be independent, as they are nearing adulthood, give your children to do things on their own, ask if they need help, if they do, they’ll let you know, but never force help onto them. Because they'll definitely do what they want.
Don’t nag your teens. Understand Nagging Is Due to Fears
Figure out what you are afraid of and then either discuss these fears with your teen or find a way to manage it.
“Nagging can be a sign of anxiety. When parents nag they often feel anxious for their child and the nagging helps reduce their anxiety because it makes them feel like they have a sense of control.
NEVER compare your children to someone else, this makes them feel useless and can cause anxiety and depression.
Teens often won’t talk about their problems, because, often, not all the time, but often, parents give their two-sense about it, sometimes teens just need you to listen and not say anything. If you feel like your child needs to talk, ask them if they are ok, they’ll usually tell you if they need something.
Make sure your children are hanging out with good people, make sure you know your teen's friends and their parents, and instead of telling your child not to hang out with someone because you think they are a bad influence, explain your concerns, and why you don’t like them hanging out with the said person.
If a teenager asks why (example: “please don’t do that” “Why?”) we aren’t talking back, or trying to be annoying, we are genuinely asking why you don’t want us to do something, try your best to calmly explain your reasoning behind something.
If a teenager makes a valid point in an argument, do not use the “because I’m the parent” excuse, just because your child is younger, does not mean that their opinion is any less important than yours.
Teens are curious and will want to explore things (Alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.) so make sure you teach them to be safe around such things, stress the importance of not drinking underage, and why it can damage their brain, same with drugs.
Make sure your child feels safe, notice body language, and how they act.
Above all, make sure you love your child no matter what, make sure they know they are loved, they shouldn’t feel like they will get in trouble if they make a mistake. Instead, make them have a mindset that they can run to you whenever they make a mistake.
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These are the replies I got from the survey I talked about earlier.
How can parents communicate with teenagers better?
Communicating with our children can be a challenge. We are all busy, and it is so easy to forget. But how we communicate is crucial to the health and happiness of our families and our children.
One way we can communicate effectively with our teen is by using “I statements”. An “I statement” is an expression of your feelings or thoughts without making it about yourself or what you want. Instead, it tells your child what you feel, what you think, and why you think it. An example might be: “I love the way you are with your brother today! It makes me feel good when you get along so well with him.”
Another way we can communicate effectively with our teens is by asking questions. When we ask questions, we show interest in our children’s answers, which encourages them to answer honestly and gives them an opportunity to learn something new from their responses too!
We can also use body language to communicate effectively with our children. When we smile at them when they do something right or frown when they do something wrong, it shows them that we care about them!
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Every child's behaviour tells us something. The scariest part of raising teenagers is remember the stupid things you did as a teenager.
Being a parent it’s not an easy task to bear any moment without knowing the fact that what’s going on in their kid’s life during their teenage years. But as a parent one should always listen & understand their teen's problems rather than creating pressure, as it is more likely that their teen might not confess their problems when they feel pressured. So, as a parent one should always appreciate their teen problems & try to provide sympathy, rather than putting any negative comment which may be dreadful for their teen.
Spend as much time as possible with your child so that they feel special & get the courage to share everything they are going on in their life, because being a teenager is the time when they’ll come across a lot of new things in their life.
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Boundaries. Strong ones. Enforced ones. Teens are designed to push against their boundaries, this helps them learn and separate from parents. If parents do not set boundaries, they have nothing to push against. This is psychologically disorienting to them. Boundaries provide security for them to rebel, or not. Boundaries are a tangible expression of a child’s value to the parent, and if there are none, the child interprets this as a lack of care and love even if they pretend to love it. They don’t love it.
Consistency. Life is chaotic for teens. Home needs to be a respite from chaos. Unpredictable parents, with inconsistent behaviours and demands, is anxiety provoking.
Love. Well that is obvious. Parents need to be careful not to “push success” over valuing the teen for who they are. I was explicit about this. I literally said, “What matters to me is who you are, not what you can do.” Sometimes you need to spell it out. For me, I did say that because I know I am a perfectionist and high achiever. I did not want any miscommunication about what I value.
Parental physical presence. People think teens are fine alone. They aren’t. Just being present as a fixture will provide emotional stability even if you are not doing lots of fun stuff.
BELONGING. Have you ever noticed that the good teens never “drags everyone else up?” No. It is always the worst teens who drags everyone down. What are the teens like that your teens hang out with? Are they the type of teens you want your child to be like? If your kid is with toxic kids online, or at school, they will belong in that group. Get them out.
Purpose. Goals, helping the homeless, representing the family, all of these things. Teens need it.
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I do not have children but I am a teen myself. Parents can communicate with their teenagers better if they just simply listen.
Parents often interrupt their children when they are talking to them to get their point across. Doing this can lead to the teenager feeling as if they do not have a voice and they also start to feel unheard.
Teenagers do not need to grow up thinking that their parents are “perfect angelic angels.” They not only need to learn from their mistakes but they also need their parents to tell them that they have made mistakes as well in their life, and how they have learned from them.
Having a healthy and trusting parent-child relationship during the teenage years is more important than ever. Teens are beginning to assert their own independence and are pulling away. Unfortunately this lack of communication is concerning because kids are making important life decisions (for example, substance abuse and sex) which could have serious consequences. Teens are less likely to share information if they don’t feel pressured so it is important to listen and be calm and nonjudgmental when you are having a discussion with your teen. Be careful about the questions you ask. Don’t make your teen feel pressured to share information. Emphasise when your child shares his feelings. If your child has done something wrong, make sure your child understands that you still love him and that everyone makes mistakes. Show your teen that you still respect his feelings even if you don’t agree. Try to show understanding even if you don’t understand. Teens can become emotional and even rude. Be calm even if you are having a disagreement. It is important to not lecture your teen. Try to praise your teen because teens want your approval. Stress that there are rules that need to be followed and be sure your teen is aware of boundaries. Do things that you both enjoy. Have conversations during the evening meal about a teen’s day to show that you are interested.
Treat them with respect and listen to them. Be a part of their lives. Be interested in their lives. Stop being so judgmental!
One technique you might want to try is to ask their advice about something. Maybe you have a problem at work and got into an argument with a friend. Showing this type of respect to your pre-adult child can help build rapport. So, instead of seeking them out a few days later, asking “how was your day”, your child may follow up with you and ask “what ever happened with your boss?”.
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Never force communication - this just stops it. The best you can do is listen when and if your child speaks..listen to what they are saying, not to what you want to hear. Let your child know that you love them no matter what, even when they annoy you.
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What are some of the top ways that you can connect with your teenager?
Biggest way to connect with your teen is just be present with them in activities they enjoy.
Board games and card games still do exist… inviting friends to hang out in your presence- keeping the radio and noise off so you can just listen in on their conversations- you can learn a lot about your teens and their friends by just listening…
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What is the best way to communicate with teenagers?
Like adults.
because they aren’t children anymore, but they aren’t actually adults yet either. But treating them like adults/ or near adults is the best thing.
You should be aware that they may need a bit more emotional support than an adult would cause they aren’t adults quite yet. But treating them like children is disrespectful to the adults that they are becoming.
so support them, Especially while they still have you to fall back on if they make a mistake.
Explain any decisions that you make that involve them.
Give them the ability to make decisions on their own. Just be there in case they need you.
you can’t expect your child to become a responsible adult if you don’t let them learn how to be an adult while they still have you there to help.
no one has the adult thing down right away. It requires making mistakes and learning from them.
just don’t judge your almost adult life too harshly. If they ask for help, be there to give it.
no one turns 18 fully equipped to deal with being an adult unless they have been learning about being an adult before they turn 18.
it isn’t a switch that is flipped and works immediately.
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Which one do you think is the best way to raise teenagers?
You don’t raise teenagers.
You raise them long before then, and when they become teenagers, you mostly hang on for dear life and hope that your earlier efforts will pay off.
Hopefully, you’ve raised kids who have strong trust lines to you, feel that they can have space for their shifting moods, and (if you have boys) feed them frequently.
Each kid is different and there is no one “best” way. Obviously, there are various issues that might call for drastic interventions, such as criminal activity, self-harming, substance abuse. I am of the belief that parents of teens should not be the source of extra drama, but rather be a place of security and grounding. Even better is to be boring, which is one of my major talents. Boring time with teens is quality time.
In terms of general approaches to teen parenting, I am a believer in authoritative parenting.
But I was given very good advice as a new parent that my parenting in the early years was what would determine the quality of my experience in the teen years. I think that was unquestionably true.
How do you improve communication with a teenage child?
Do not be a piece of furniture at home but be a living person.
Do not boss over your child while teaching discipline but be friendly. Attitude is also communication. Teenagers read your attitude through your mood and words.
Use kind and gentle words even when you correct children, no matter how serious their mistakes are. They will learn patience and tolerance.
Let them share, open-heartedly, about incidents in school. Listen and smile. Do not get irritated if they stretch their stories longer.
Share with them incidents from your school life and office too. That will teach them to learn about you.
Discuss with them about current events, finance, environment and careers. Take their advice on gadgets and dresses too.
When you disagree with them - persuade them to agree with you by reasoning. Do not dispute or shout.
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Speak to them with respect.
NO: 'What the heck were you thinking? Are you brain dead?'
YES: 'If you had taken a moment to give it some thought I am sure you would have realised there is a better way to handle that.'
Watch your body language.
NO: Stand over them as they sit and lean toward them as if they are of inferior status.
YES: Take a seat on their level and look into their face, making eye contact if they will allow it.
Use touch for emotional contact.
NO: Grab their wrist and hang on as if you are trying to prevent their escape.
YES: Lay your hand on their shoulder or upper arm in a gentle caress.
Ask for feedback.
NO: 'Well, what have you got to say for yourself?'
YES: 'I would like to hear your thoughts on this.'
Maintain guidelines.
NO: 'Don't you use that tone of voice with me!'
YES: 'We can't make progress here until you show some respect for me.'
Validate their feelings.
NO: 'I don't give a (bleep) how mad you are! Everything isn't about you!'
YES: 'I hear you, and I know you are angry. But I am confident that you won't let your anger overrule your better judgement.'
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What are some ways to have more effective communication with your teen?
Well, to start out with, I think it’s important to make sure you have their attention. So often, it’s easy to start talking to your teens when they’re not actually tuned into what you’re saying. So make eye contact, turn off the T.V., etc., then start a conversation.
Also, I think it’s key not to overload them with too many words. So, if you’re trying to give them instructions on something, make it short and sweet and follow through on whatever you say will happen if they don’t do it.
Lastly, let your teens talk too. Don’t rush in to add your two cents when they’re sharing with you. Instead, let them know you’re there to listen and make time to allow this to happen.
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What is the best way to have a meaningful conversation with a teenager?
Be open. Let the discussion flow naturally and understand that they are at a different phase in their life. When they talk about an interest of theirs, do not critique it or act condescending. If they do not feel safe talking about it without being looked down on, they will stop.
Suspend judgement. Do not judge them. Try to ask questions if you do not understand. Show some curiosity and interest for the discussion. People will feel that you want to listen if you are genuine.
Just listen, then ask when necessary. If they want to talk more, let them be.
Don't forget to smile and gesture to show engagement. There's no point in listening if you are not actively listening.
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As a teenager myself, the most important thing is taking others seriously. Bring on interesting, serious topics and let them talk. Bring up memories from your young years and ask them their opinion, how the world has changed. What is considered important in adolescent life. At least this is what I think. I'm glad when older people let me participate in their conversations. That way, not only can I tell my opinion but also learn about new topics. I hope this is a little helpful!
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The best way to have a meaningful conversation with a teenager is to talk TO them, not AT them. (Any time that you start out a conversation with, “LISTEN!” you will probably not be having a meaningful conversation.)
Ask questions. Find out what their interests are. Don’t try to force your beliefs on them. If they are WRONG (Oh, so…so…wrong) don’t try to correct them, but listen to their opinion. If they ask for your advice, ask questions, don’t preach AT them.
After that, it’s a matter of engaging them. Ask them questions. Listen to them. Respect their opinions.
Give them sincere compliments. Reward them, verbally, for their engagement in the conversation.
Treat them like an adult, and not a snot nosed child. (Yes, you know when you’re doing it, don’t you.
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How do parents connect with Teenagers?
Of course everyone is different but this is how I would approach it given the limited understanding I have.
I bring up topics that you have in common and talk about them, in a way where both of you are equally contributing. If he is into things that you don’t know about. Learn about it. If he’s into video games, learn about what games. Read about it, watch videos about it and maybe even learn how to play so you can play together. Connecting is a two way street and especially for teenagers, it is important to find things to talk about that they are interested in. Think about how many times they have spent listening to you and your family and friends talk about things they have zero interest in.
plan specific time set aside with no distractions (eg. Phone calls or texts, or people coming in and interrupting) and genuinely sit down and talk and most importantly LISTEN! Maybe go out for lunch or dinner. Go on a drive. Or if you’re less into chatting do an activity like go bowling, watch a movie or go to the gallery. Maybe offer a few options like would you rather go out for Japanese food, go bowling or stay at home and make pizza and watch the godfather. Plan ahead and don’t be offended if they breeze past you.
That age is an age of growth and I definitely think that parents often feel left behind. But teenagers need to grow up, make friends, do rebellious stuff that they don’t want their parents to know about. From personal experience I have always been close with my parents but when I got to about 15–16 I started growing away from them.
I think my point is that you don’t be offended if your children are growing away from you. But also it’s nice to make an effort and even if they don’t explicitly appreciate it, deep down they always will.
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Please, please don’t force it. Like for example, my parents forced me to spend time on the main floor with them instead of my room, where they would just get mad at me the whole time. Forcing someone to spend time with you will make them hate it. So, maybe suggest activities your kid will like to get closer. Communication can come along those fun times, and the closer you are the easier communication will come. Small tip, don’t get mad at your child if they confide in you. If it’s serious you should take serious action, but if they just tell you they went on a date or stayed up late last night, don’t get mad. It will make them not want to confide anymore.
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One of the first mistakes I made was to treat my teen like a child. I found discussion was much better to get my point across. Teens are still thinking in a very black and white way. So rather than say “don't do that", like you did when they were young, and expect a teenager to take your word for it, a better move is to take them down the road, letting them navigate in your direction. And let them come to the conclusion of “I don't want to do that”.
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I find that making time for your child/children by giving each child alone time with you builds stronger parent/teen relationships. It also builds trust and the likelihood that if your child is experiencing problems, they will come directly to you.
As parents, we have the most influence on our children. One of the parenting techniques that I use is every week one child will spend a Saturday or maybe a few hours with me alone.
Then the next Saturday it would be the other child's turn. Not only did my sons love it, but it gave them an opportunity to tell me what was going on in their lives. It is easier to help your children, teenagers solve issues regarding school, friends, pure pressure etc when you are in an environment that is non-confrontational and casual.
It is s also a good way to remind your children about things they need to be aware of, like drugs, the sexual relations or anything you think is important. Soon enough, you will find that your children are actually looking forward to your alone time together.
In order to build a stronger bond with all of your children together, use the same principle and take them to an event together once a month, or when your children are older encourage them to go together. Sending them out together can form healthier bonds not only for them as siblings but for the whole family as well. As in any relationship, effective communication is the glue that bonds people together.
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Why is there no communication between most teenagers and their parents?
As a teenager, I can say it’s mostly trust and fear. The trust part is teenagers don’t always trust parents with their secrets or they don’t trust them to respond to news the way they want them to. The fear part is the fear of how the parents will react. They are unsure of whether their parents will get mad or if they will be fine with it. These aren’t always caused by the parents. It’s just natural for a teenager to feel more comfortable telling their friends about something than telling their parents.
Hope this article was helpful 😌😌
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