“The most dangerous form of depression hides behind a smile”
What is "smiling depression"?
Faking a smile.
people with this type of depression may seem happy and may seem like they live a normal and perfect life..
However they’re broken down on the inside. They smile, laugh and crack jokes even though on the inside they just want to cry. They suppress feelings and shut off emotions.
One who experiences depression on the inside while outwardly appearing completely content or happy is known as having "smiling depression." Their public life is typically "put together," and some could even say perfect or normal.
What you need to understand about depression is what you see is not what you get.
Generally, when someone is suffering from depression and you see them laughing and smiling it’s a socially acceptable performance you are witnessing. It’s easier to put a funny face on than it is to potentially suffer social exclusion, prejudice, discrimination and or stigma.
Behind that laugh and smile lies a universe of pain and suffering. Never assume because someone looks or tells you they are ‘fine’ that they actually are. We are extremely adept at putting on a brave face. We are experts at avoiding a probing conversation.
Why do a lot of people hide depression behind a smile?
Let’s have a look at what happens when they aren’t wearing the mask, it might give a better insight.
When someone suffering depression starts talking about their illness they run the very real risk of social exclusion, stigma, prejudice and discrimination. Even though society tells us we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about mental health issues, all of the above has the potential to happen if we do.
It is just easier to hide behind a mask than it is to explain your illness to someone whose eyes are saying just snap out of it, you’re faking it for attention or worse still, I don’t care. Some people don’t bother trying to hide it and say the actual words, little knowing the hurt they have caused.
Wearing a mask to avoid all of that sounds like a good plan.
How do you know if someone is under depression when they are smiling all the time?
You see, that’s the thing about depression. It’s harder to spot. Just because someone may appear happy doesn’t mean that they are. They could be suffering with someone much more serious, dark, and inexplicable. Depressed people tend to put on a social mask just to hide their pain and suffering.
If you’d truly like to know whether someone you love is depressed, take the time to ask them. Listen to them. Be there for them. Support them. It makes all the difference in the world. And please, don’t say things like “cheer up” or “you have so much to be happy for”. Those words hurt more than you could ever imagine.
Take a look at some statements that people who have smiling depression will understand.
“I Want to Tell People How I Feel, but I Can’t”
Hiding or masking a serious problem like depression is like building an invisible wall between the depressed person and the people around them. The longer it goes on, the higher and more impenetrable the wall becomes. A person with smiling depression may recognize that they need support, but feel unable to get the words out when they have the chance to.
A person who has smiling depression may feel like they will have to explain their outwardly happy behavior if they confess to feeling depressed, and they may not feel up to the task – or necessarily even understand it themselves well enough to explain it. The longer they go on presenting a smiling face to the world while inwardly suffering from depression, the harder it may feel to explain.
If a person with smiling depression does attempt to speak out about it and is met with skepticism and unhelpful comments like, “you don’t seem depressed,” they may withdraw even further, feeling that they won’t be believed or understood. They might doubt their own feelings. They may feel unable to press the issue further or seek out someone else to talk to.
“I Don’t Know If My Smiling Depression Is Real”
Smiling depression could be a deliberate attempt by the depressed person to hide their true feelings, but it can also be unintentional. Sometimes, people with smiling depression don’t know why they keep smiling, and they may not trust their own feelings. They may not even recognize that they are depressed.
Because someone with smiling depression often seems well-adjusted, happy, and content, they also often receive complimentary feedback on these characteristics. Being told that they’re “so cheery!” or “so successful!” or “so motivated!” when they don’t feel cheerful, successful, or motivated can be confusing. They may view themselves as negative, worthless, or lazy for not feeling like they live up to the appearance they’re presenting to others instead of realizing that it’s depression that’s responsible for the disconnect between the way they appear and the way they feel. This can lead to doubling down on keeping up appearances rather than reaching out for help.
“I Want to Feel as Happy as I Look”
Smiling depression could be an attempt at a “fake it till you make it” approach to depression. That is, the person may believe that by smiling, laughing, and going about their day-to-day life as if everything were OK, they can eventually force themselves to feel OK.
“Fake it till you make it” can be an effective strategy in certain situations. this is sometimes referred to as acting “as if”. For example, if you want to be more confident, you can act as if you were more confident by doing what a confident person would do in a given situation.Acting as if you’re happy when you’re feeling a little down or having a bad day can also work – smile enough and you may eventually boost your own mood.
However, there are also times when acting as if, or faking it, doesn’t work at all. it takes more than just acting happy to actually bring on feelings of happiness. Faking it also tends not to work when the person is doing it more for other people than for themselves. Acting happy just to please the people around you or make them more comfortable can actually be quite isolating, and that feeling of isolation may make depression worse, not better.
“I Want to Tell People How I Feel, but I Can’t”
Hiding or masking a serious problem like depression is like building an invisible wall between the depressed person and the people around them. The longer it goes on, the higher and more impenetrable the wall becomes. A person with smiling depression may recognize that they need support, but feel unable to get the words out when they have the chance to.
A person who has smiling depression may feel like they will have to explain their outwardly happy behavior if they confess to feeling depressed, and they may not feel up to the task – or necessarily even understand it themselves well enough to explain it. The longer they go on presenting a smiling face to the world while inwardly suffering from depression, the harder it may feel to explain.
If a person with smiling depression does attempt to speak out about it and is met with skepticism and unhelpful comments like, “you don’t seem depressed,” they may withdraw even further, feeling that they won’t be believed or understood. They might doubt their own feelings. They may feel unable to press the issue further or seek out someone else to talk to.
Smiling depression is deceptive. While people with smiling depression may look like they’re going through their lives successfully, they’re still experiencing all of the negative effects of depression. Smiling depression can lead to other health problems, it can lead to self-harming behaviors, and it can also lead to suicide. Compared to other forms of depression, which tend to leave sufferers without much energy, smiling depression may put sufferers at greater risk of suicide because they’re less likely to receive help and support and because they have the energy to act on suicidal thoughts. Recognizing subtle signs of smiling depression can help ensure that the person with depression get themselves again.
Very often, people with smiling depression are also people who are perfectionists, people who take on heavy responsibilities, and people who are held to high standards, either by themselves or by someone else. They may fear disappointing others, failing to live up to their own standards, or being seen as weak, disappointing, or unreliable. These fears cause them to hide the signs of depression that other people are likely to recognize. However, they still experience distressing symptoms like anxiety, loss of appetite, sadness, fatigue, fear, or intrusive thoughts. They just don’t show or talk about them.
I don't want to offend anybody else.
People who suffer from smiling depression could feel responsible for both their own problems and those of others. A teenager suffering from smiling depression, for instance, might not want their parents to worry about them or their friends to get bored or bothered by their troubles. Maintaining a cheery exterior doesn't help with the depression, but it does appear to keep people around them happy.
Very often, people with smiling depression are also people who are perfectionists, people who take on heavy responsibilities, and people who are held to high standards, either by themselves or by someone else. They may fear disappointing others, failing to live up to their own standards, or being seen as weak, disappointing, or unreliable. These fears cause them to hide the signs of depression that other people are likely to recognize. However, they still experience distressing symptoms like anxiety, loss of appetite, sadness, fatigue, fear, or intrusive thoughts. They just don’t show or talk about them.
“I Want to Feel as Happy as I Look”
Smiling depression could be an attempt at a “fake it till you make it” approach to depression. That is, the person may believe that by smiling, laughing, and going about their day-to-day life as if everything were OK, they can eventually force themselves to feel OK.
“Fake it till you make it” can be an effective strategy in certain situations. this is sometimes referred to as acting “as if”. For example, if you want to be more confident, you can act as if you were more confident by doing what a confident person would do in a given situation.Acting as if you’re happy when you’re feeling a little down or having a bad day can also work – smile enough and you may eventually boost your own mood.
However, there are also times when acting as if, or faking it, doesn’t work at all. it takes more than just acting happy to actually bring on feelings of happiness. Faking it also tends not to work when the person is doing it more for other people than for themselves. Acting happy just to please the people around you or make them more comfortable can actually be quite isolating, and that feeling of isolation may make depression worse, not better.
Smiling depression is deceptive. While people with smiling depression may look like they’re going through their lives successfully, they’re still experiencing all of the negative effects of depression. Smiling depression can lead to other health problems, it can lead to self-harming behaviors, and it can also lead to suicide. Compared to other forms of depression, which tend to leave sufferers without much energy, smiling depression may put sufferers at greater risk of suicide because they’re less likely to receive help and support and because they have the energy to act on suicidal thoughts. Recognizing subtle signs of smiling depression can help ensure that the person with depression get themselves again.
How Teens With Smiling Depression Really Feel
While putting on a happy face for the world, teens with this disorder usually feel very different inside. They are exhausted by the effort of hiding their depression day in and day out, and constantly afraid of being discovered. In addition, they may experience any or all of the following depression symptoms:
Overwhelming sadness and hopelessness
Lack of self-confidence and self-worth
Anxiety
Mood swings
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Suicidal thoughts
Not taking pleasure from activities they used to enjoy, despite pretending to.
Teens with smiling depression become extremely good at hiding their symptoms. Therefore, parents may be more likely to identify some of the physical and behavioral signs as indicators of a problem:
Sleeping too much or too little, including long naps during the day
Significant changes in appetite or weight
A feeling of heaviness in the arms and legs
Headaches or body aches
Irritability and restlessness
Substance abuse
Extreme reactions to what they see as criticism or rejection.
Why Teens Hide depression Behind a Smile.
They don't want to be asked why they're depressed.
Teens with smiling depression often have a strong support system and resources, yet they are unable to open up about their struggles. This is particularly true if they belong to a culture that tends to stigmatize mental health issues, or are part of a family that puts high value on using willpower and self-reliance to get through hard times, rather then talking about it or asking for help. In these cases, teens may feel that struggling emotionally is a sign of weakness or a lack of personal character. This is particularly true of male adolescents, who are conditioned to be less open about their feelings.
In general, if a teen has shared what they’re feeling in the past and been told to “snap out of it” or “try harder,” it will be even harder for them to bring it up again. In addition, teens who are more likely to have smiling depression are often perfectionists, afraid of failure, and more easily embarrassed and humiliated. They have high expectations of themselves and don’t want to disappoint others’ expectations, or change the image that others have of them as a successful, positive person. They believe they just need to be “stronger” and “better” in order to get through it.
Moreover, if the family is dealing with financial issues, or another family member has physical or mental health problems, a teen may hide their depression because they’re worried about being an additional burden. (That may be one reason for a possible increase in smiling depression, along with other mental health issues.) On the other hand, a depressed teen may feel guilty about suffering and “complaining” when their life is “fine” and other people “have it so much worse.” Or they may be in denial about the fact that they are living with depression.
How a teenager with depression feels (according to replies from Teenagers).
Terrible. No one believed me. They called it puberty, they called it being rotten spoiled, they called being ungrateful. But I had hyperthyroidism (for almost 6 years, and even I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was spiraling over and over into depression, I couldn't relate to anyone and I was so alone in my misery. My grades went south, my self-esteem was broken, I had bulimia..
It was a dark phase of my life, and even now being an adult. Life sucks, but not as much as it did when I was a teenager with no ressources not even Internet or a reliable friend.
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Depression… hell, lliterally a hell.
You look insane to normals ones as each and every word of your seems like a joke to them.
You just pretend to be happy and satisfied while you want to kill yourself from inside.
When nights are unbearable and you feel to take a shower at 2:00 am. It feels sucked when you want to yell but can't help yourself just to pretend others that you are okay.
You feel that you can't sleep for 2–3 days without taking those sleeping pills and anti depressants.
Life seems to be a hell and you feel that it would be better if it gets end. And definitely you may fall in love with your psychiatrist as he is only the person who understands you.
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As a teenager, I can tell you how it feels like for myself.
The impact of bad mental health on me causes me to feel suicidal which lead to self harming. I’m happy/positive maybe here and there, but majority of the time I’m feeling suicidal and I don’t feel like living. I don’t tell parents these things because I want to create any conflict controversies.
I do want to say, I’m quiet (base on what others told me lol) and I can also agree to that myself. That’s because I just agree with what people say and I don’t disagree much with people. Due to this, my parents pushed me into the electrician trade for college and now I’m in this college program that I don’t feel comfortable with. I don’t know how I’m going to adjust to a electrician workplace environment because from what I heard it’s all swearing, cussing, and a lot of yelling which gives me a lot of anxiety. It’s like I don’t have any say in my life.
Sorry for the tangents, but that contributes to my depression. Most teachers asked me, “What do you plan to do for a job? “My response is “to be a electrician, but it’s because my parents wants me to become,”….. But then my teachers would ask, “Is that want you really want to do? “ …..I would lie,”Yes”. This is where my anxiety kicks in by the way. That’s because I DON”T WANT TO BECOME A ELECTRICIAN!!! I hope to do well in this school program because I don’t know heck of whats being said in class. (Btw, it’s still the beginning of class when I’m writing this)
But that’s only one side of that. Of course, my internalize depression isn’t cause by that, but it’s a contributing factor. There are other things as well such as, I have poor self esteem and I overweight for my age. Also, I overeat a lot. There are other personal factors that adds up to my mental health deterioration but I prefer to keep that to myself. I tend to keep to myself and I try not to tie knots into other problems.
The suicidal thoughts come in all the time unfortunately as of everyday. At times there so much things I regret and somehow I manage to be alive. It’s more personal things that triggers this to be honest.
I’m all about anything positive, but I sometimes just think I’m curse. My life consist of so much negativity and it’s really hard to see things get better (as much as what people say). I have a few friends from school but to them, I always look happy when I’m really not. I’m actually a storm that takes many tangents lol. Sometimes, I actually just want someone to ask me….”Are you okay?” I have always felt like an outsider and the fact that no one will truly understand what’s going on with me. I always been a ‘goody two shoes’ and this causes people to take advantage of me. I always let bloody people in front of me in school and I’ve been too open minded towards others and it bothers me. All I can say is that no one ever help me in terms of my mental health, but I’m partial to blame because I never confronted anyone about it.
At the start/end of the day, I do pray to God that my life will get better but I honestly don’t see that happening.
Thank you for reading this if you reach this far. I hope this wasn’t too much drama for you or anything like that. I just wanted to give you an idea of how teenage depression feels like. Sorry for all the tangents lol…..and the grammar.
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I was depressed too just a few months ago (I’m 13 too so maybe advice from a peer might help). I would cry, felt like life was pointless, I even cut myself and began to feel as if I was going crazy. At first it was less dramatic but eventually it came to the point where I was hurting myself. I so badly wanted to talk to someone or for some one to ask if I was okay but every time they did I wouldn’t tell them I was depressed. Eventually one day someone asked if I had read a new book but an author we both liked and I almost broke into tears. I realized my life had been so consumed but my depression that I was no longer living like a child should be. That was the turning point and It started getting better. Now I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Looking back I believe there are a few things you can do that are minor but can help dramatically (or at least they did for me)
get off your phone! Be social and hang out with friends it may take a while but you’ll begin to see how much fun life can really be
Look at yourself. Is there anything you don’t like about yourself? Example your weight or grades or friends? If there is something in your life pulling you down then let it go. Some people aren’t worth keeping around
Exercise! It sounds terrible (at least for me because I don’t like it haha) but it can help ALOT! Just push yourself to do a little more each day and you’ll slowly start feeling better.
Tell an adult. I never told anyone and I still regret it. I cut myself and suffered on my own. It’ll take crazy courage but it could make your depression last a month instead of a year.
It’ll be okay! Don’t kill yourself and if you ever hurt yourself (not saying that you should) be sure to take care of it and disinfect it so it doesn’t get infected. Eventually it WILL go away and sometimes you’ll just have to wait
Online chats! They saved me, I could talk to people who would listen and I could get things off my mind
This is all! Hope it helped and I’m so sorry it’s so long! I litteraly told u my life story I’m sorry. I hope you feel better and i hope you take serious consideration of what I said if u read it.
Someone who is depressed is going to notice everything wrong with everything. What you say, do, act like, everything. If I’m going through an episode and a friend looks at me in a way that might convert the smallest hint of dislike, even if it isn’t even there, I’m going to blow it up completely and decide that you hate me.
Don’t get upset if they seem to be constantly worried about your friendship, I promise, they likely do want to be friends with you, it’s just that everything seems negative and that can make it look like, to them, that you don’t care. Even if you accidentally blow me off, that will make me feel like total shit.
Depression and severe depression are different. Regular depression is bad, most definitely, but severe depression kind-of magnifies everything and blows it up about 90%, making it a whole hell of a lot worse.
Talk carefully, slowly, gently, make sure that the person knows you care about them. I swear the greatest thing in the world to hear is, “I’m with you no-matter what, okay?”
Saying that you’ll always be there is a commitment. It really is. Once they really start to trust you, you will know everything. If you’re mid-conversation with them and you have to go and do something, like eat dinner, tell them. Don’t just vanish into thin air.
They’re hurting, they’re hurting so, so much, and just being there as someone to talk to means the world.