Ever offered up what you thought was an inspirational solution to your Teenager's problem only for it to be dismissed as irritating irrelevant or even stupid?
Teenagers are often faced with a confusing sequence of events.
First teenagers go to parents with their problems second,parents do their best to offer practical suggestions and solution and third teenagers dismiss parents ideas as annoying irrelevant or even stupid
Well perhaps it is because parents are not giving teenagers who they actually want so what is it they're actually looking for?
Teenagers just need a sounding board not a solution. They might find the best relief from simply talking to you about their worries and problems.
Teenagers often have problems today that they want to share but not necessarily with their friends and it still sort of time they may come to you but they are not looking for solutions and they are looking for empathy.
Teenagers typically want ideas and not instructions most of the time offering empathy and encouragement is sufficient support for most teenagers
Parents often feel like they have great advice and proven solutions; however, in spite of how inspired you think your advice is, it is often better to just wait until you've listened to your teenager's thoughts and their feelings before jumping in with a solution. When you offer a solution quickly , teenagers often feel like you are not really listening to them.
During Teenage, we go through a lot of changes in our body physically and hormonally. It becomes really difficult for the teenagers to adapt to it instantly. Everything appears new to them and they want to try it out. Well Our parents try to help us in many ways like give us solutions but Teenagers being Teenagers want to do what they want.
It is hard for them to accept that their parents are right. They become rude towards them.
Well the approach of the parents also has great effect towards the teenagers behavior towards their parents. Some parents act as their friend where things have smooth outcomes while some parents try to act the way they were treated in their teenage years. I guess, New Generation Kids need New methods. Parents need to become their friends to deal with them. I guess that is the way for the Parents to deal with their teen kids in today’s world.
Teenagers deal with problems like bullying, anxiety, depression, drug addiction and teenage pregnancy. Relationships between teens and Parents are strained nowadays. I guess we need to work on it.
Both Teenagers and parents need to understand and love each other to grow their bond and be happy.
Generally, teenagers mostly don't find it worth to mention their situation, problems, success with their parents rather they share it with their friends. (Well, I don't know if all teens look upon this as correct, but I think most introverts are like this.)
So, they want to hear from their parents “no problem”, better say what you want to". This adds to the courage of teens.
Teens are generally confused about choices a lot.
They want their parents to say “Miriam, are you in love with someone? what's his name? Then advice and give her reasons why it's not healthy for her. Rather than “what do you think! Is love important at this age?!, focus on your studies or I will go to your school and inform your principal.
Teenagers' perception may be that you are threatening them and everything they know and that you are changing their mission to become independent. Kids are used to parents telling them what to do when they’re young, but once they become teenagers, this strategy doesn’t work as well.
This threatens their autonomy. Teenagers want to feel like they are growing, and they want others to see it too, especially their parents. Additionally, they would like their parents to respect the fact that their child is becoming more independent. This is why teenagers may reject their parents’ solutions to problems since they want to believe that they can solve them on their own.
Solving any teenager problem is an exercise in futility, with broken hearts, social dramas and academic pressure making them split their heads every day.
Teens share their worries with parents because they feel like sharing, and need empathy, not a solution. Reassuring and sincere words that make them feel better can be enough, and any solution offered will most probably backfire.
They may only need a vote of confidence and can easily turn well-intentioned guidance as criticism and lectures.
Why do Teenagers reject their parents' solutions to their problems?
It's no secret that the teenage years can be a tough time. Hormones are raging, bodies are changing, and emotions are all over the place. For many teens, the turmoil is compounded by the fact that they feel misunderstood by their parents. No matter how hard you try, it can be next to impossible to get your teenager to open up and talk to you about what's going on in their life. And when they do come to you with a problem, chances are good that they'll reject any solution you offer.
There are a number of reasons why teenagers reject their parents' solutions to their problems. One reason is that they feel like their parents just don't understand what they're going through. Their parents may be able to offer advice on academic or career-related issues, but when it comes to the ups and downs of teenage life, they just don't get it. Another reason is that teenagers want to feel like they're in control of their lives and their problems. Making their own decisions, even if they're not always the best ones, is a big part of that.
Then there's the fact that, let's face it, teenagers can be pretty stubborn. Even if they know that their parents' solution is the right one, they may not want to admit it. They don't want to appear weak or incapable, and admitting that they need help can be a hard pill to swallow. And of course, there's always the possibility that the solution offered by the parent is just plain wrong. In their teenage years, many kids are starting to think for themselves and question the authority of their parents. They may not be ready to accept that their parents know what's best for them.
There are a number of reasons why teenagers might reject their parents' solutions to their problems. In some cases, the teenager may feel that the problem is too personal and unique to them to take advice from someone else. Additionally, the teenager may feel like their parents are not truly understanding what they are dealing with and, as a result, are offering solutions that are not relevant. Finally, the teenager may simply not want to listen to their parents because they are feeling rebellious or misunderstood. All of these reasons can lead to a teenager feeling disconnected from their parents and, as a result, rejecting any advice or solutions that they may offer. In some cases, this may lead to the teenager engaging in risky behaviors as they attempt to cope with their problems on their own.
One reason why teenagers may reject their parents' solutions is because they feel like their parents are not listening to them. Teenagers may feel like their parents are not taking them seriously or that they do not understand what they are going through. It is important for parents to listen to their teenagers and try to understand their perspective.
Another reason why teenagers may reject their parents' solutions is because they feel like their parents do not trust them. Teenagers may feel like their parents are always trying to control them and that they do not have any autonomy. It is important for parents to trust their teenagers and give them some space to make their own decisions.
“Teenagers/Adolescents" want to throw off the chains of childhood in the midst of their physical/emotional growth. The choices they make are more important, with consequences. They want to “do it myself" which, when positive, creates increased self esteem. Those choices are not always consistent with those of their peers, upon whom they rely heavily for friendship, approval, and companionship. Rejection, when it does occur, sets in when an inner battle begins between what they see in the wider world around them, and the values established in their own family. It is called growth and development and is a crucial time in their lives. They need the proverbial “rope", but not enough to prevent exploration and the process of learning how to make positive choices. They need great support, but also the freedom to make choices.
We all had deemed it pointless to open up to our parents by this point in our lives, and most of us had stopped trying to have meaningful personal conversations around age 15/16.
Here are a few of the reasons we shared.
Invalidating emotions- every parent out there will eventually tell their kid “stop being sad, I hate it when you're sad" or something along those lines. They will make their child feel like their emotions don't matter.
Terrible listeners- Parents (and people in general) often don't want to hear what their children has to say so they regularly tell themselves things like “oh he couldn't possibly mean that, he must mean this" and such
Controlling- As children get older too many parents don't let go control of their children's lives and keep trying to tell them how to live. It's supposed to be a gradual process that starts with letting your toddler pick between two outfits you set out for them and ends up with an 18 year old that you treat like a full adult that you provided advice to when asked. Many parents treat their teenage and adult children like they are still 10.
Additionally, teens want to explain and define the worry they are experiencing, as well as get rid of confusing thoughts. This is very helpful for teens, and parents can enable it by creating the space and providing the opportunity.parent’s desire to share advice and life experiences with their children is entirely natural. In many respects, we have experienced similar situations and problems to those they are experiencing now. It is common for parents to believe that they have sound advice and proven solutions. It is often more beneficial to wait until your teenager’s thoughts and feelings are heard before providing them with solutions, regardless of how great we think our advice is.
Providing a solution too quickly to teenagers makes them feel that you didn’t listen to them or understand what they were going through. It is common for teenagers just to want to hear from their parents that everything will be alright, they only want and need our listening and understanding..